spinning

It feels like I’m yelling into the dark

I didn’t even check the time. 

I’m assuming that it’s night because the darkness won’t end.

Dramatic right?

But this is the category by which I think and process.

Because sometimes, it feels like things just won’t end.

And therein lies the core of my issues.

I have a sick and cyclical desire to either please myself or please others.

I am not, or rather, it feels like I am rarely ever satisfied with one end or the other.

Maybe some people can relate to this sentiment.

If there was a time in my life when I used to identify the cycles of life as moving on from one problem to the other, there was a part of me that really identified in this way because I could never feel satisfied with the success of overcoming an issue or a problem because deep down inside, I knew another problem in the shape of big fucking elephant was headed my way. What a fantastic run-on sentence amirite?

How do you move out of the way of gigantic problem barreling towards you at break-neck speed?

You don’t 

You just sit there in awe and get overrun and overwhelmed.

And that’s why sometimes I feel like I’m left to my own devices and just spinning out of control. Always having to be mindful, always having to be respectful, always having to put on this smile 

Maybe I can smile more when I’m done spinning?

Sad.

Oh Well.

cheers

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