Our church’s English ministry ran a drive-thru ministry event.
Every year churches around the country gather the children to put on festivities that include worship, craft, snacks and great skits and musical. At our church, it’s a spectacle like you’ve never seen.
The budget, the manpower and the sheer planning that goes into every little detail is immense and I took a lot of pride in planning out every little detail.
This was first year that I wasn’t in charge. This was the first year that I didn’t insert myself into any role or responsibilities.
I’m so happy that it went well. Really happy for the kids that got to experience a taste of normal.
I didn’t want to show it so I had to retreat into my office many times but I was so sad.
Seeing the volunteers that I trained over the years, watching them pour themselves into a system and a process that I was so used to developing.
Maybe this is what letting go looks like.
I see the faces and I remember their stories.
I miss being at the peak of my powers – I miss pushing the group – squeezing as much energy out of them as I can and bending them to my will.
To exhaust ourselves for the joy of the children.
We want to bring the joy because when there is joy – they are blessed, and in their blessing, God is glorified.
For the first time in nine years, I wasn’t a part of that.
It really felt like a part of me died today. It had to be put to rest.
I’m no longer that pastor anymore. It’s no longer my role.
I even got comments today – people asking me if I missed it.
People seeing me get excited and commenting that I should move on.
I grieved a part of me that died today and I didn’t enjoy it.
But still I’m happy for my church and happy for my people.
This one hurts, but I’m still thankful