event planning

Our church’s English ministry ran a drive-thru ministry event.

Every year churches around the country gather the children to put on festivities that include worship, craft, snacks and great skits and musical. At our church, it’s a spectacle like you’ve never seen.

The budget, the manpower and the sheer planning that goes into every little detail is immense and I took a lot of pride in planning out every little detail.

This was first year that I wasn’t in charge. This was the first year that I didn’t insert myself into any role or responsibilities.

I’m so happy that it went well. Really happy for the kids that got to experience a taste of normal.

I didn’t want to show it so I had to retreat into my office many times but I was so sad.

Seeing the volunteers that I trained over the years, watching them pour themselves into a system and a process that I was so used to developing.

Maybe this is what letting go looks like.

I see the faces and I remember their stories.

I miss being at the peak of my powers – I miss pushing the group – squeezing as much energy out of them as I can and bending them to my will.

To exhaust ourselves for the joy of the children.

We want to bring the joy because when there is joy – they are blessed, and in their blessing, God is glorified.

For the first time in nine years, I wasn’t a part of that.

It really felt like a part of me died today. It had to be put to rest.

I’m no longer that pastor anymore. It’s no longer my role.

I even got comments today – people asking me if I missed it.

People seeing me get excited and commenting that I should move on.

I grieved a part of me that died today and I didn’t enjoy it.

But still I’m happy for my church and happy for my people.

This one hurts, but I’m still thankful


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