friday morning reflect

The constant nature of sunrise and sunset has always been a paradox because the timing by which, relative to us, the sun would rise and set was dependent on the tilt of the axis of this planet with reference to the sun.

Constant, but not really.

We are used to longer hours of the day and warmer temperatures in the summer months. We often do not look forward to the shorter days and colder temperatures that always makes us long for the heat of the summer days. The familiarity of what we are used to has always been a source of comfort to those in need of this sense of consistency. Nature only shocks us once in a while – the outlier events garner our attention but most things in life and in nature are largely considered outside of our control and so we come to assume and take for granted all of the unseen mechanism at work that makes the entire system possible. Nature is fearfully and wonderfully complex with simple goals and aims. Nature is consistently scary as fuck.

I’m reminded of the Joker’s monologue to Harvey Dent in the hospital in Christopher Nolan’s seminal work “Dark Knight”

 You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even when the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger would get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics. Because it’s all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everybody loses their minds!

Joker (Heath Ledger) “Dark Knight” (2008)

Because it’s all a part of the plan.

plan.

So maybe this is the plan with life, we were, or more appropriately, I wasn’t ready for it. Just like nature, life is consistently scary as shit and maybe that was the plan all-along. But to the outside observer – to the casual and intimate third-party observer, it’s all a part of the plan and so life is not something to be overcome but something to be adjusted to. WE need to adjust to life.

Last night in house church we reflected on forgiveness.

I asked the group what it would take, what is your condition or rather, what is something that you need to see or experience or receive in order begin the genuine process of letting things go and to forgive someone?

Maybe it was too revealing in that moment but I was more curious about the opinion of the room and not really looking for answers. But maybe I just never know what I’m looking for.

The answers were pretty par-for-course what I expected. But a sneaky thought crossed my mind.

Forgiveness is a spiritual and a mental discipline that is most necessary but also a discipline that is going to take a lifetime to understand. And even though we don’t enter into covenant bonds in a perfect state of mind and being, keeping preexisting conditions to a minimum always seems to be a good idea because the ability to process and forgive seems to be the most difficult aspect of any relationship.

We want to limit the factors that will make it harder for us to forgive. Is that selfish? Is that self-centered?

The skillset that brings about forgiveness is how we adjust to the scary ass consistent nature of life’s ability to scare the hell out of us?

Too wordy? Did that make sense?

Life is fucked. Learn to forgive. That’s how we adjust.

Better?

I’m learning to adjust right now. It’s tough.

I’m consistently at a loss for words and I find myself searching for a way to make sense of everything that’s happened recently but there’s no clear direction in mind. I come to meandering conclusions and half-baked ideas – I catch myself daydreaming hoping for ideal situations to play out.

I want my struggles to become a testimony of how to make thing work.

But always I find myself just praying and praying my hours away.

no real conclusion here but just a morning thought.

It’s been really nice to get lost in my thoughts and prayer.

I’m adjusting. It’s tough but it’s happening.

.bless

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