A lot of critical and crucial moments in my life have been dictated by opposing, nay, warring forces at work within me.
My first time encountering Joshua 1:9 challenged me to let my life go for the Lord.
It was weird.
Up until that point, my life trajectory was set before me like a bullet path. I move forward no matter what it cost me and anything in my way was a distraction.
Law School by 21
Bar exam by 24
Litigation experience until 28
Take over the world by 30
I put in the work too. I really did.
but 2008 I was in China for missions then the Beijing Olympics and it was there God demanded by life. and I was at peace with it. Weird but I did.
Fast forward to 2011 and I was a truly-green 23 year old getting ready for the beginning of my ministry career and in the midst of a lot of turmoil, I wanted to get this right and commit.
All or forking nothing.
I was on a bullet path again.
I will outwork everyone in any room I enter..
And that gave me eight years of solid experience that I could really leverage into my next ten years. But I wasn’t at peace with how I turned out at the end of my eight years. There’s a sneaky feeling in my heart that I’m simply not satisfied with how things turned out. The ministry worked out beautifully. The system, the experience, the children, the youth, the staff, the pastors – everything in place was great but the common factor is me.
I’m not complaining about anything. What I have experienced and have been experiencing has far surpassed my expectations so I’m not going to question the good and doubt it. But the fact remains that I stand far apart from where I thought I would good – both good and bad. And I guess I don’t know where I land because I can’t answer this question about my ministry career so far.
Am I at peace with ministry?