clarification

I ruffled some feathers on New Year’s Eve

I said I wanted to write more – I should not have treated this account like my twitter – my bad

The truth is I’m not okay – and that’s okay.

I made this account to be more honest and expressive – but I also know that my words have impact – no matter the medium.

So I promise to be more careful with my diction out of respect for the language.

I’m not mad at anyone. I was being an ass and I regret getting as angry as I did. Again – not at anyone, just angry over my situation.

A lot of times I get frustrated at the snail-like pace that I find myself in. I want to grow as quickly as I can, I want things to get done as quickly as I want. There are so many regrets over this past year. I am well aware of my blessings – but I’m also well aware of my faults.

I look back on my 2018 with a shameful mix of thanksgiving and regret – all of my mistakes and my flaws are so perfectly interwoven into a bittersweet narrative. I really did mean what I said two weeks ago – I did nothing in 2018 – people around me rallied – God provided everything – I learned to be a vessel and a messenger – less of me, more of Him – all my anger notwithstanding.

Why is it so hard to be a good person? Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Because I’m not a good person. I am trying to do the right thing. But it feels like I always end up with the short end of the deal. I always feel like a loser at the end.

Don’t let this post fool you – I actually feel a lot better after writing this post – so calm down and stop asking my brother if I’m alright.

Because I’m not okay – and that’s okay.

cheers

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